Annoying My Co-Worker

Now that I have a new sucky job (NSJ) that pays me more money, I miss my old sucky job (OSJ) that paid me less money. At least I knew people. I had a co-worker there, we called her DS. She lived in Houston. I used to annoy her on purpose because I am good at annoying people. Here's a list of six things I did to frustrate and anger her. Ah, I miss the OSJ!

1. Start an IM conversation and tell her you have important news. Then reply with only emoticons. String the emoticons together to form patterns that might have significance. She will try to decipher these patterns.
2. Wear logoed clothing such as Brooks Brothers, Polo, etc., and talk about how a logo denotes craftsmanship and quality.
3. Insist that truly productive people work through lunch, taking (at most) a sandwich at their desks.
4. Insult Texas. Anything will do, provided you stick with it for awhile. At first she’ll be inclined to agree with you, so you must persist. Example: There are no real cowboys in Texas, only fake ones.
5. Make jokes and laugh at them yourself. Make sure you’re laughing louder and longer than anyone else.
6. This is the “nuclear option” of DS annoyance, because she and her husband are very much in love: Compare her husband to a Hollywood star, but make sure he’s a supporting actor, not a leading man. Bruno Kirby, for instance. Trust me, unless you compare her husband to Pierce Brosnan (or someone of that caliber), she’ll flame you to a cinder.